MY MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT DEFINE ME
12:15I'm Not Ashamed To Talk About My Mental Illness
I have been very vocal about my mental illness for quite some time now. It's something that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and I'm still struggling. I have been depressed from a very young age. I grew up in a difficult environment and that wreaked havoc with my mental health as a child. It took me a really long time to recognize that I needed to get help, and also to have the courage to speak out about my problems.
As a child I remember I'd refused to answer/make phone calls other than to my friends and some family members because it'd make me anxious and I still find it very hard. Ordering food on the phone is such an ordeal for me. Talking to people still terrifies me. What if I misspoke? What if I didn’t make sense? What if they thought I sounded dumb? and the list goes on.
The anxiety I experienced in my teens and the kind of anxiety I have now is very different from the anxiety I felt as a child. In fact, it has gotten quite worse now. Even rudimentary tasks like going to the market overwhelm me. My heart races, my palms sweat and I enter into a state of distress for no logical reason.
My worrying and overthinking became unmanageable during college/university days and I found that I only had enough energy to keep my grades afloat, forcing my social life and health to the back burner. Self-loathing and despair, I had this constant feeling of being unable to navigate social situations, and so I'd spend most of my time in bed without any motivation to get up.
Anxiety paired with depression is an impossible team to combat. I knew what I was experiencing wasn't normal, so I decided to get help from a professional. And how I wish I hadn't because all they did was put me on medication and it affected my grades real bad. I was young and I didn't know any better and because of that traumatic experience I am still somewhat reluctant about seeking help.
As I've gotten older, I've dipped in and out of certain mental health issues at the same time. It can be very complex. But I am now not afraid to talk about it and I am *sort of* seeking help again. It's better this time tho I am not very regular with it.
The stigma and shame that comes with being transparent about what's going on in one's head really sucks. And that is why I'd request anyone who's reading this to please encourage people to talk about their issues or seek help. Please don't abandon them. Please be kind. No one asks for a mental illness, so no one should be blamed or shamed for having one. It's important for people to know they're not alone with their mental health issues.
Over the years, so many people have confided in me about their past or current struggles and that always makes me realize that I am not alone in this and that it's okay that my brain might not be 'normal'. I have now made peace with the fact that my mental disorders do not determine my character or capabilities. In fact, they make me a more compassionate and resilient person. My mental disorders are a part of me, and talking about it makes me feel empowered, not ashamed.
11 comments
I think it is amazing that you are talking about this here. You are so brave and an inspiration to many! I definitely related to what you said about anxiety and how it is difficult to even order food over the phone. I have anxiety as well and it often makes normal tasks (making a phone call, going through a check out line, etc) feel extremely stressful. Know that you are not alone <3
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I think it is very brave to talk about it in Publuc.
ReplyDeleteI've and still going through some issue s like not to talk others, i like ti be alone, not to trust others, have no friends i dont talk much as am afraid people always misjudged me.
I know am not the right person to talk but remember am always there to just spoke your heart out.
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I think you're incredible for sharing your story with others, I've no doubt it will put those at ease who are wondering whether or not to be more open and transparent about their own mental health. Again, I think you're incredible babe :)
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It’s so brave of you to share your story.
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Thank you for talking about it, not enough people do and sharing your story is so helpful to others who are going through the same thing. <3
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Anxiety and depression are not a good mix. I think it'd mega brave that you were able to write a post about this, I know it must have been incredibly to do so, but I think we all admire you for it xx
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